


We were never Hopeless

by Chychyd



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky is an A+ boyfriend, Domestic Fluff, Endearments, Fluff, Love and Understanding, M/M, Pet Names, Sad baby Steve, Steve has a nightmare, Survivor Guilt, lots of kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8655061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chychyd/pseuds/Chychyd
Summary: "We both know we can’t make the dreams go away, but baby. Don’t torture yourself like this. Your brain does that enough at night, let yourself rest during the day."Steve is guilted by nightmares of Bucky falling so Bucky does his best to talk him through it and make his babydoll feel better.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Hopeless by Luke Cusato

“Did it hurt?”

Bucky chuckled but didn’t look up from his book. “When I fell from Heaven?”

The silence is what caught Bucky’s attention, although he would later realize everything about this moment was off-putting. The book was quickly forgotten when he looked up at Steve’s red-rimmed eyes, still watery. “Oh baby… not this again.”

Steve made a choking noise and covered his face with his hands. “I-I’m sorry.” Bucky was quickly on his feet and bracing Steve with steady hands on his shoulders.

“Dream again?” Bucky asked. Steve let out a shuddery breath and nodded, still hidden behind his hands. He was pulled to the couch where he instantly buried his face into the dark hair hanging above Bucky’s shoulders.

“I just-” he sniffled and took a deep breath. “It was like I was there. Sitting there watching you. You were in so much pain. Screaming, crying. For me.” Steve’s voice broke on the last word. Bucky cooed soothing words to his love and rubbed a hand up and down his back. “I just need to know, Bucky.”

Bucky sat, thoughtful for a moment, on how to approach it. How to start from the moment he fell from the train. Where the pain began and where it stopped. If it ever really did. The rough edges of skin around the metal plating began humming with pain in reminder. Phantom pains rang through his metal limb.

“Answer me this first. When the Valkyrie went down-” Steve’s breath hitched. “-did it hurt? How did _it_ feel?”

“Bucky-”

“No.” Bucky kissed the top of Steve’s head. “Tell me.”

Steve made a pained noise and took a deep breath. “No- I mean, yes. But no. I don’t know. It was-”

“Cold.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

They both sat in silence for a long few minutes. A mutual understanding passed between them but Bucky could feel the uneasiness that still lingered in the air. He knew Steve wasn’t content with the answer. What else could he say though?

Yes, it was cold.

It was cold at first, when he woke up at the bottom of that ravine.

He lied there in the snow, flakes kissing his face. He didn’t feel anything at first.

Just cold.

He had been staring up at the sky, in and out of consciousness. The railroad bridge was above him but he didn’t really notice.

He didn’t even know why he was down there.

Still, he was brought back to a moment as he lied there. _Children giggled in the background, a scratchy scarf tickled his nose._

_“Bucky! Watch!” A little girl slid over the icy ground in her shoes, no skates needed. It was Becca._

_He had watched her for a moment before his attention turned towards Steve, staring up at the overcast clouds, spots of white a constant flurry above them._

_“Where’s your gloves, punk?”_

_Bucky’s hands quickly turned cold as he took his off and took hold of one of Steve’s, smaller, paler, and much, much colder hands._

Hands.

That’s when he felt it. It was no longer cold.

But he couldn’t tell you what it felt like.

It was hell.

When he saw the red that covered the snow to his left.

Luckily he didn’t have to experience it long in that moment before he was out of consciousness again.

When Hydra had found him though, that was a whole different story.

Not that he has to explain that one. That isn’t what Steve is asking about.

“It’s not your fault. It will never be your fault. Saying that me falling off that train was your fault is the same as saying you taking down the Valkyrie was mine. Because if I had been there-”

“You weren’t there because I didn’t go back for you, Buck! I know you would have been there if you could.”

“And you would have caught me if you could. Steven, look at me.”

“Don’t call me Steven.” He grumbled, glowering at Bucky with puffy eyes as he lifted his head.

“There he is. My sweetheart.” Steve rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that twitched on his face. Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve’s nose. “You.” A kiss to his forehead. “Are the most.” A kiss to one cheek. “Handsome.” The other cheek. “Wonderful.” His chin. “Most beautifully stupid man I have ever met.” Finally his lips. “And I love you.”

“I love you too.” Steve breathed, a chuckle on his lips.

“Babydoll, this-” He gestured to his metal arm. “has given me a lot of hell over the years. I hated it. Resented who I was because of this. But without this, I can’t do this.” He traced the lines of Steve’s face. All the way to his bitten-red lips. The tips of his metal digits were smooth over Steve’s lips.

Steve breathed at the gentle touches. “You’d be able to do that with your real hand if it wasn’t for-” Bucky pinched his lips together.

“If you say ‘me’, they come off.” Bucky warned before releasing his lips.

“If you hadn’t fallen off the train.”

“Maybe. But it happened. And ain’t none of us going back to change it. If I could, I’d go back and stop your stupid ass from crashing that plane in the middle of nowhere but then where’d we be?” Steve only responded with a sigh. “I know I can’t make what goes on in here-” He tapped Steve’s temple. “go away, but I’m sure as hell not going to make it worse by feeding your imagination. We both know we can’t make the dreams go away, but _baby_. Don’t torture yourself like this. Your brain does that enough at night, let yourself rest during the day. Can you do that darlin’?”

Steve closed his eyes and nodded his head. “I think I can do that. Try. I can try to do that.”

“Good.” Bucky pecked his lips. “Now, no more afternoon naps. You always have the worst dreams in the afternoon.”

**Author's Note:**

> also inspired by the weird dreams I always have when I take afternoon naps


End file.
